"I Can't Enjoy My Money Without Feeling Guilty," Four Africans Share the Burden of Being the Richest Friend

Being the richest friend sounds like a good problem to have until your friends start treating your bank account like a community project and while some people enjoy being able to help, others find themselves struggling with the expectations that come with having more money than their friends.

We spoke to four Africans about what it's like being the richest friend and the pressure that comes with it.

"I've Become the Group's Unofficial ATM"

I don't think my friends realise how often they ask me for money. It's always something small: ₦10,000 for an urgent bill, ₦30,000 until payday or money to fix a car problem.

Sometimes, it goes beyond borrowing. If we're hanging out and someone can't afford their food, I'm usually the one who pays. I've bought extra concert tickets for friends and even paid for a friend's trip home during an emergency.

The funny thing is that nobody really asks if I have the money. They just assume I do. Sometimes, I get messages that start with, "My guy, I know you have money."

I used to give without thinking twice, but I've noticed that some people only reach out when they need something. I've had to learn that having money doesn't mean I have money to spare.

Tunde, Nigeria

"I Can't Enjoy My Money Without Feeling Guilty"

Being the richest friend means sometimes feeling guilty for enjoying things your friends cannot afford.

If I suggest going somewhere nice, I already know someone might not be able to afford it. When we planned a weekend getaway last year, two of my friends couldn't afford their entire share of the accommodation, so I helped paid for their rooms.

I've also covered their outings, bought concert tickets and sent friends money for big and small things. Sometimes, I'll even pay for someone's hair appointment before an important event.

I don't regret helping, but I wonder if I've made it difficult for people to be honest about what they can afford around me.

Ama, Ghana

"My Friends Think I Have More Money Than I Actually Do"

People see the lifestyle and assume there's unlimited money behind it. I travel occasionally, dress well and don't always complain about prices, so my friends have decided I'm the wealthy one in the group, but there's a difference between being comfortable and being rich. I save, budget and sometimes tell myself no to afford the things I genuinely want.

My friends don't always see that side. If we're planning a trip, I'm expected to book the Airbnb and let everyone pay me back later. If we're ordering food, someone might add something expensive because they assume I'll cover it. I've also had friends ask me to pay their electricity bills or help with rent.

One friend even asked me to buy him a new phone when his old one stopped working. He didn't frame it as a loan; he just assumed I could afford it.

These days, I keep certain things private. Not everybody needs to know about certain things.

Chisom, Nigeria

"I Don't Mind Helping, But I Wish They Would Stop Expecting It"

I enjoy doing things for my friends. There's a certain happiness that comes with knowing you can make someone's day easier.

However, somewhere along the line, generosity became an expectation. When we go out, people sometimes wait for me to offer to pay. I've covered drinks, paid for friends' salon appointments and sent money to someone who couldn't afford to pay for stuff.

One Christmas, I bought gifts for three friends who were having a difficult year. The following year, one of them casually mentioned what they expected me to get them. I found that quite interesting (derogatory)

What bothers me isn't necessarily the money. It's the entitlement that sometimes comes with it.

I once declined to pay for a friend's flight to a holiday we were planning, and they barely spoke to me afterwards. That experience made me realise that some people had become more attached to what I could do for them than to our friendship.

Lerato, South Africa